How You Know You Are Grieving

grief & loss

Coping with Grief and Loss

Whatever type of loss you've suffered, in that location'southward no right or incorrect way to grieve. But past understanding the stages and types of grief, you can find healthier ways to cope.

What is grief?

Grief is a natural response to loss. Information technology's the emotional suffering yous experience when something or someone you lot beloved is taken away. Often, the hurting of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from daze or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief tin as well disrupt your concrete health, making information technology difficult to sleep, swallow, or fifty-fifty recall straight. These are normal reactions to loss—and the more than significant the loss, the more than intense your grief will be.

Coping with the loss of someone or something you dear is one of life's biggest challenges. You may associate grieving with the death of a loved one—which is often the cause of the most intense type of grief—but any loss tin cause grief, including:

1. Divorce or relationship breakup
2. Loss of health
3. Losing a job
4. Loss of financial stability
5. A miscarriage
6. Retirement

7. Decease of a pet
8. Loss of a cherished dream
9. A loved one's serious illness
10. Loss of a friendship
11. Loss of safety subsequently a trauma
12. Selling the family unit home

Even subtle losses in life can trigger a sense of grief. For instance, you might grieve subsequently moving away from home, graduating from college, or changing jobs.

Whatever your loss, it'south personal to you, and so don't experience ashamed most how you feel, or believe that it's somehow only advisable to grieve for certain things. If the person, fauna, human relationship, or situation was meaning to you lot, it'south normal to grieve the loss you're experiencing. Whatsoever the cause of your grief, though, there are good for you ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness and help yous come to terms with your loss, find new meaning, and eventually move on with your life.

The grief of losing a loved one

Whether it'southward a close friend, spouse, partner, parent, child, or other relative, few things are every bit painful as losing someone you honey. Later such a significant loss, life may never seem quite the same over again. But in time, you can ease your sorrow, start to look to the futurity, and eventually come to terms with your loss.

Read: Bereavement: Grieving the Loss of a Loved One.

The grieving process

Grieving is a highly individual experience; there'south no right or wrong way to grieve. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and how significant the loss was to you.

Inevitably, the grieving procedure takes time. Healing happens gradually; information technology can't be forced or hurried—andthere is no "normal" timetable for grieving. Some people kickoff to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Any your grief experience, it's of import to be patient with yourself and permit the procedure to naturally unfold.

Myths and facts nearly grief and grieving
Myth: The hurting will go away faster if yous ignore it Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep information technology from surfacing will simply make information technology worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
Myth: Information technology'south of import to "be strong" in the face of loss. Fact: Feeling pitiful, frightened, or lone is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn't mean yous are weak. You don't need to "protect" your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can assistance them and y'all.
Myth: If y'all don't cry, information technology means you aren't pitiful nigh the loss. Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it's not the but one. Those who don't weep may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other means of showing it.
Myth: Grieving should final near a year. Fact: There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.
Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss. Fact: Moving on ways you've accepted your loss—but that's not the aforementioned equally forgetting. Y'all can move on with your life and go along the memory of someone or something you lost every bit an important part of you. In fact, as we move through life, these memories tin can become more and more than integral to defining the people nosotros are.

How to bargain with the grieving process

While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to assist cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, discover a style to pick upwards the pieces and move on with your life.

1. Acknowledge your pain.
2. Take that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
3. Sympathize that your grieving process will exist unique to you.
4. Seek out face-to-face support from people who intendance about y'all.
5. Back up yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
6. Recognize the deviation between grief and depression.

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The stages of grief

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known every bit the "five stages of grief." These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people accept generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the expiry of a loved one or a break-up.

The five stages of grief

Denial: "This can't be happening to me."

Anger: "Why is this happening? Who is to blame?"

Bargaining: "Make this not happen, and in return I will ____."

Depression: "I'm too distressing to do anything."

Acceptance: "I'm at peace with what happened."

If you are experiencing whatsoever of these emotions post-obit a loss, information technology may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you'll heal in time. Notwithstanding, not everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages—and that's okay. Contrary to popular belief,you lot do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going throughwhatsoever of these stages. And if yous exercise go through these stages of grief, you probably won't feel them in a neat, sequential gild, then don't worry near what you "should" be feeling or which phase yous're supposed to be in.

Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last volume before her decease in 2004, she said of the 5 stages of grief: "They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, merelythere is non a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss.Our grieving is equally individual as our lives."

Grief tin can be a roller coaster

Instead of a series of stages, we might also call up of the grieving procedure equally a roller coaster, total of ups and downs, highs and lows. Like many roller coasters, the ride tends to exist rougher in the beginning, the lows may be deeper and longer.

The difficult periods should get less intense and shorter every bit time goes by, but it takes time to work through a loss. Even years afterwards a loss, especially at special events such as a family wedding or the nascency of a child, nosotros may still experience a stiff sense of grief.

Source: Hospice Foundation of America

Symptoms of grief

While loss affects people in different ways, many of united states experience the following symptoms when we're grieving. Just call back that almost annihilation that y'all experience in the early on stages of grief is normal—including feeling like you're going crazy, feeling similar yous're in a bad dream, or questioning your religious or spiritual beliefs.

Emotional symptoms of grief

Shock and disbelief. Right after a loss, it can be difficult to accept what happened. You may feel numb, take trouble believing that the loss really happened, or fifty-fifty deny the truth. If a pet or someone you love has died, for case, you may keep expecting them to testify up, even though you know they're gone.

Sadness. Profound sadness is probably the near universally experienced symptom of grief. Yous may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.

Guilt. You may regret or experience guilty well-nigh things you did or didn't say or do. Y'all may as well experience guilty nigh sure feelings (feeling relieved when a person died after a long, difficult illness, for example). You may even experience guilty for not doing more to prevent your loss, even if it was completely out of your hands.

Fear. A pregnant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. If you've lost your partner, your task, or your dwelling, for case, you lot may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure near the future. You may even accept panic attacks. The death of a loved i can trigger fears nigh your ain mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities yous now confront lone.

[Read: Dealing with Uncertainty]

Acrimony. Fifty-fifty if the loss was nobody's fault, you may feel aroused and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you lot may be angry with yourself, God, the doctors, or fifty-fifty the person who died for abandoning you. Yous may experience the need to arraign someone for the injustice that was done to you.

Physical symptoms of grief

We often think of grief as a strictly emotional procedure, but grief often involves physical issues, including:

• Fatigue
• Nausea
• Lowered amnesty
• Weight loss or weight proceeds
• Aches and pains
• Insomnia

Types of grief

Since the experience of grieving following the loss of someone or something important to you tends to be unique to you lot, information technology's difficult to label whatsoever type of grief every bit either "normal" or "abnormal". All the same, there are types of grief that fall outside the expected symptoms and reactions described in a higher place. These include:

Anticipatory grief

As the name suggests, anticipatory grief develops before a significant loss occurs rather than afterward. If a loved one is terminally sick, for example, you have an aging pet, or you know that your retirement or chore loss is imminent y'all may start grieving your loss before information technology has fully unfolded.

[Read: When a Loved One is Terminally Sick]

Like conventional grief, anticipatory grief can involve a mix of disruptive emotions, especially anger. Some people even equate information technology to giving upwardly hope and reject to allow themselves to grieve earlier their loss has occurred. However, anticipatory grief tin can besides give you chance to gear up for your loss, resolve any unfinished business, or say your goodbyes, for case.

Disenfranchised grief

Disenfranchised grief can occur when your loss is devalued, stigmatized, or cannot be openly mourned. Some people may minimize the loss of a job, a pet, or a friendship, for example, as something that's not worth grieving over. Y'all may feel stigmatized if you suffered a miscarriage or lost a loved one to suicide.

Disenfranchised grief tin also occur when your relationship to a deceased is not recognized. Some people may consider information technology inappropriate to grieve for a piece of work colleague, classmate, or neighbour, for instance. Equally a close friend or same-sex partner you may be denied the aforementioned sympathy and understanding every bit a blood relative. This can make it even more hard to come up to terms with your loss and navigate the grieving process.

Complicated grief

The pain at a pregnant loss may never completely disappear, but it should ease upwardly over time. When information technology doesn't—and it keeps you from resuming your daily life and relationships—it may be a sign of complicated grief.

Complicated grief normally arises from the death of a loved one, where the loss has left you stuck in a state of bereavement. You may be unable to accept your loved one has gone, search for them in familiar places, experience intense longing, or even experience that life isn't worth living.

If yous're experiencing complicated grief and the pain from your loss remains unresolved, it's important to reach out for support and take the steps that will enable you to heal.

Seeking support for grief and loss

The pain of grief tin often crusade you to desire to withdraw from others and retreat into your crush. But having the face-to-face up support of other people is vital to healing from loss. Fifty-fifty if you're not comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it'south important to express them when you're grieving.

While sharing your loss tin make the burden of grief easier to carry, that doesn't mean that every fourth dimension you lot interact with friends and family unit, y'all need to talk about your loss. Comfort can also come from simply being around others who care near you. The key is not to isolate yourself.

Plow to friends and family members. Now is the time to lean on the people who care almost y'all, fifty-fifty if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Rather than avoiding them, describe friends and loved ones close, spend time together face up to face, and accept the assistance that'southward offered. Often, people desire to help but don't know how, so tell them what you need—whether it'southward a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or but someone to hang out with. If you don't feel yous accept anyone you can regularly connect with in person, information technology's never too late to build new friendships.

Have that many people feel awkward when trying to comfort someone who'south grieving. Grief can be a confusing, sometimes frightening emotion for many people, specially if they haven't experienced a similar loss themselves. They may feel unsure nigh how to comfort you and end up saying or doing the wrong things. But don't use that as an excuse to retreat into your beat and avoid social contact. If a friend or loved 1 reaches out to you, it's because they care.

Draw comfort from your faith. If you follow a religious tradition, cover the comfort its mourning rituals tin can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you—such equally praying, meditating, or going to church building—can offer solace. If yous're questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy fellow member or others in your religious community.

Join a back up grouping. Grief can feel very alone, fifty-fifty when y'all have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can assist. To find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers, or run into the links beneath.

[Read: Support Groups: Types, Benefits, and What to Expect]

Talk to a therapist or grief counselor. If your grief feels like too much to bear, notice a mental wellness professional with feel in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.

Beware how y'all use social media

Social media can be useful in letting others know most your loss and reaching out for support. Notwithstanding, it tin can as well attract Internet trolls who post inappropriate, insensitive, or even abusive letters. To spare yourself boosted pain and heartache at this time, you may desire to limit your social media utilise to closed groups rather than public postings that can be commented on by anyone.

Taking intendance of yourself as yous grieve

When yous're grieving, it'southward more of import than always to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking later on your physical and emotional needs volition help yous go through this difficult time.

Face your feelings. You lot can endeavour to suppress your grief, but you can't avert information technology forever. In society to heal, you lot have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss merely prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also pb to complications such as depression, feet, substance abuse, and health problems.

Limited your feelings in a tangible or creative manner. Even if you're not able to talk about your loss with others, information technology can assist to write downward your thoughts and feelings in a periodical, for example. Or you could release your emotions past making a scrapbook or volunteering for a cause related to your loss.

Try to maintain your hobbies and interests. There's comfort in routine and getting back to the activities that bring you lot joy and connect you closer to others can help you come to terms with your loss and aid the grieving process.

Don't let anyone tell you how to feel, and don't tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no ane else can tell you when information technology's time to "move on" or "go over it." Let yourself feel whatever yous experience without embarrassment or judgment. It's okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to weep. It'south also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to permit go when you're gear up.

Expect after your physical health. The mind and torso are connected. When you feel salubrious physically, y'all'll be meliorate able to cope emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. Don't use booze or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.

[Read: Self-Medicating Depression, Anxiety, and Stress]

Plan ahead for grief "triggers." Anniversaries, holidays, and important milestones tin can reawaken painful memories and feelings. Be prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that it'due south completely normal. You tin can programme ahead by making sure that you lot're not lone, for example, or past marking your loss in a creative way.

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Source: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm

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